Writing about this is not easy. I abhor opening myself up to these thoughts, feelings, memories. I’m dreading sleep… Continue reading
So here’s my thoughts on “fear”. Fear is a very very powerful tool; it can cripple you or drive you forward. People often say we have nothing to fear but fear it’s self. ” Only thing we have to Fear … Continue reading
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I am, and always will only be, the fix-it girl, and that’s ok.
I’m the one guys date or get to know solely for the purpose of my fixing it. I’m the girl who friends and family come to for advice and help when things go wrong or just need someone who understands and has probably been there.
For example…. I’ve dated a couple of guys who thank me for helping them realize that they are worth something and for building their self-esteem up. I’ve become friends with and helped guys to understand that they are great guys and they shouldn’t settle for less. I’ve helped guys in relationships and marriages understand why their significant other is upset and helped keep them together if that was their choice, or offered the best way to get the point across that it is over.
It seems that I’m always fixing something for my guy friends or a guy that I was with at one time. I seem, howsoever, unable to fix myself. Why is it so easy to see the problem or understand it so clearly when I’m on the outside looking in? I assume, that it’s because hindsight is always clearer and when you’re the observer you are unprejudiced about the circumstance and therefore able to observe and see the problem and the solution.
So.. here is my proposed question: Why, if I was so great for them, did it end so horribly for me?
I can understand that I wasn’t the “One” for them but did I have to be hurt in the process?, or was that part of the “fixing them”? … Who knows. Not I.
I would, however, like to know why looking back and thinking about things has to hurt as thought it just happened, and why we are drawn to the types that prove hurtful to ourselves when we know that that type of person is more than likely going to leave us feeling like a huge mac truck just ran you over.
Today appears to be a “look back and be reflectful on my past relationships” day. LOL
On a more upbeat note, I have also reflected upon all the good types of “fix-it’s” I’ve done and helped with concerning all of my friends and family. You could say I hold the flame that calls people to me in the darkness trying to find the light that will guide them forward.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy with the fact that people come to me for advice and I love that I can help them with virtually any situation that calls for a shoulder and ear as well as an understanding mind. This is one of those things that helps keep me balanced and knowing that there is a place for me in this world even though at times I feel positively useless and unneeded. It is the glue that helps to bind me to my life and in a way, those who bring me their problems to solve are my ‘Light in the Darkness’. Although, there are times I feel I must have done something very wrong in a past life to make it seem impossible to find my “One”, I do know that there is a “time and a place for everything” as well as there being a “season and reason” for everyone that enters our lives.
This isn’t a’ poor pity me’ post just a reflective one and if you were able to follow any of this and understand any of it then I’m glad because that means you can take away the lesson from it. If you didn’t, then I’m just glad you stopped by and took the time to read this.
Be well and many blessings your way,