Recently I received a message from someone asking me about On-line Dating –
I was wondering what you thought about dating someone you met on-line. My friends know how I met this guy but I haven’t told my parents because of their viewpoint. What would you suggest? “
I’ve shortened and condensed the letter, leaving out their name for privacy, but this is the main jest of what is being asked. I wrote a reply then sat and thought about this and considered my own history of on-line dating, as well as dating in genera,l and my friends and family history concerning dating, on-line and off-line. I’ve considered the media scare that has occurred from various people who’ve taken advantage of those whom are trusting and honestly just want to meet someone, and see what happens. I’ve decided that this is a topic not just for one person but for many in the same and/or similar boat. Many are just wondering about it, and/or concerned about their family/friend and so I’ve written a response that covers all of it.
So this is what I’ve come up with and it covers a little more than was asked originally.
- The first thing that you should realize is that EVERYONE can lie, On-line or Off-line. It really doesn’t matter where you meet someone because they can spin a tale just as easily as not. It takes trust, and not just for the person that your planning on letting into your life, but trusting yourself.
If something feels off about the other person, trust your instincts. You can either call it “Woman’s Intuition”, or a “Gut Feeling”. Call it whatever you want, just trust it.
- The second thing you think about is WHY you are looking for someone in that location you’ve chosen. Why are you considering a relationship with a guy/gal you met on-line, with someone in a bar, that you met at the grocer, that your friends set you up with on a blind-date, that cute/handsome girl/guy at work you finally got the nerve up to talk with?
It truly doesn’t matter where you met them, what matters is “WHY” you’re looking for them. Figure out the answer.
- The third thing you need to figure out is, Are they real.
If you are conversing with this person on-line or from an ad in a paper/off crags list check out their pictures… Are they real or fake? (Get a friend to look at them if you’re not sure.)
Are the facts about them real or do they sound like a tale? To good to be true? ( This applies to anyone seeking a relationship. )
Does the contact info really sound like someone who is wanting a relationship or are they possibly attempting an affair or something else? (Again, this applies to anyone in a relationship)
If any of these things seem fake, RUN, don’t walk, Away. You don’t need the hassle or games.
- Now, if you’ve reached the step where you’ve spoken with your love interest and your pretty sure they are telling the truth, so that you’re not walking into anything that could erupt into a huge mess, What type of relationship does it seem they want? Are they truly looking for the same thing you are? This is pretty self-explanatory, If it’s not the same … Leave!!! You can’t change them and they shouldn’t change you. You both should compliment each-other, like a fine wine and cheese.
What do you talk about? If all you talk about is “I love you. I love you too/more.” or other such complementaries then it’s not going anywhere. That isn’t a conversation. Think back to when you actually had a conversation and compare it to what passes as the conversation now, is it better or worse? the same? Your answer is the key.
- And now we’ve reached my fifth step, Does it seem like the relationship can work out, be it long-distance or close?
Only you can answer that for yourself. By now you should know your partners opinion and if it meshes with your’s then bravo. If your’s doesn’t mesh with their’s then you know what to do.
Now that those questions are raised, and hopefully answered here’s my suggestion …. If you’ve got a negative response to them, then chances are you honestly shouldn’t be with the person, on-line or off-line. It’s just going to lead to misery and heartache. If the person is lying now, they will more than likely use you and possibly leave you with some emotional damage, possibly life-long.
If you’ve got a positive response to them, then the chances are that you guys are a match and that’s great 🙂
On to how your going to tell your parents, friends, family that the person you’ve met and fell for came into your life in an unconventional way.
The internet is growing in popularity, it’s not going to stop. There are now numerous dating sites out there (50+, ethnic, religious, you name it, it’s out there), and many people are now taking advantage of them because they prefer meeting people whom could be a match, instead of weeding out the ones that are a waste of time in the conventional manner.
YES, they could be lieing to you, but as I stated above – EVERYONE has the possibility of telling LIES. It doesn’t matter where you met them, they all have the possibility of lieing to you. The bonus to meeting someone on-line and conversing for a bit before you choose to meet them, you get to know the person and their personality, granted they aren’t lieing of course, and they get to know you. First major hurdle jumped before you even go on a date.
I honestly can’t think of a patented, never fail answer for how to tell your loved ones that you met someone on-line. I always just have said, when asked,
“I met him on-line, we talked for a few hours at first and I found out he’s got a lot of the same interests I do. I’ve known him now for (fill in length of time) and now I’m going to meet him (fill in blank here with a date,time,place). We’ll see where it goes from there. “So-and-So” is going with me, they’ll sit elsewhere but near, so that if needed I’ve got back-up and I wont be alone. No worries, I’ve got it covered, you taught me well.” It’s straight forward and to the point. I try not to leave it open for interruption and if anyone has ever said that meeting someone in the more conventional way, I’ve always pointed out how it turned out for others, usually bad, and that I’ve basically done the same song-and-dance that you would do in that situation. I just got to know mine better without the expense or hassle.
Any way, I hope this helps and answers a few questions. If you want to ask more questions and prefer it to be private, e-mail me, or message me on FB, and I’ll be happy to reply.
Many Blessings and Take Care,Ya-Ya 🙂