So here’s my thoughts on “fear”. Fear is a very very powerful tool; it can cripple you or drive you forward. People often say we have nothing to fear but fear it’s self.
” Only thing we have to Fear but Fear it’s self”
(Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1932)
I’d like to change it a little to say “I” have nothing to fear but fear it’s self. And this is true. We truly don’t, because fear is our driving force; it alone causes us to make practically all of our choices in life.
The fear of being alone, of having no legacy to continue, of being unprepared, of bad grades/loss of scholarships, etcetera, etcetera.
I believe that many of the horrible choices in mates, boy-friends, girl-friends, lovers, and so on, are made because of the fear of being alone and therefore we develop a “type” because that gives an excuse to like the same qualities in a person while knowing that, in the back of your mind, this is the wrong person for YOU. Knowing full well that a life time with this person will only leave you in pain, you still say “Yes” when the topic of marriage, or something else that is the equivalent of a life with them, comes up.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why put ourselves, and possibly the other person, through the pain? The answer is FEAR.
Fear of letting down those we love because “they” have mentioned how you should be married, or engaged, and so forth. A lot of us have been raised basically to the extent that at a certain age you start looking for a mate, companion, get married, have kids.
How many, though, are taught to look for the one person that compliments you fully and you them? How many aren’t grilled with the “When are you going to get married?”, “When will the kids come?” questions? The answer is few.
Some of us see our friends getting married and having kids, and therefore feel left out and alone. The dynamics of the friendships have now changed and we are feeling left behind and “fearing” a loss, either of consistency or friendship. We start questioning ourselves on what will happen and begin searching for someone who could easily become a mate and parent with us for children. The courtship is quick, and marriage comes fast so that soon there are children, just like our friends.
This fear contains a great loss in the long-term as these relationships usually end in divorce and custody battles over the children. It is sad, and thus a new generation is greeted with the “fear of rejection and loss” as well as “fear of a relationship crumbling”. These things are very harsh on the children, but luckily there are some parents that care more for the kids and how they turn out, then they do the social views and put that “fear of fitting in” away and therefore, the kids overcome it.
Because of LOVE, fear can easily be overcome by putting the needs of those you love, or the love of self, above the fears we find daily. There is the “love of writing” that can easily overcome the “fear of rejection” by a publisher. The “love of your children” can easily make the “fear of social acceptance” seem like just a common nuisance easily brushed away. The “love of self”, not in a narcissistic sense but in a self-acceptance sense, can drive away any “fear” thrown at you by the common masses.
Love is the answer my friends. It is the thing that binds us and makes us whole. It is the single most beautiful, and deadly, thing in the world. Great things are accomplished with “Love” in mind. Great discoveries are made because of the love someone has for the task at hand. Great pieces of art have emerged the world over because of the love the artist has in their heart for that which they create. Some of the most beautiful songs and poetry ever written are about just this topic, “Love”. Others are written with love in the heart of the author for the writing. Without love in our hearts and minds we, as humans, are nothing. We would assuredly fall by the wayside and nothing would ever be accomplished.
Now, this is not to say that just a little fear isn’t a good thing. Some of it is necessary for us to survive, i.e. the “Fight or Flight” instinct that tells us what to do in certain situations. It also pushes us to do more when it comes to a good job, write a better term paper, study harder, consider saying “yes” or “no” just a little longer, considering the answer to that examine question. There are a few things that a modicum of fear causes us to do better and make a more accurate, or better, choice. It is integral in our beings for a reason.