15 Ways Build Your Confidence or, in my case,15 Things to change to be called a B**ch

   A friend of mine shared this picture with me and I read it thinking… yes I’ve done this and I did that and I’m working on those. Then I thought about it and realized, I’ve done all of those and the biggest one I’ve done is to start putting my own needs before my own instead of always putting others first, and for my effort I was labelled a “Selfish Bitch”.

All the other times when I’ve bent over backwards for other people and put their issues before my own is forgotten in that one instant when I evaluated the two and decided that what I had to do for myself was more important than another person’s issue. How, you may ask, is this possible? Well I’ve come to the conclusion, after a few times of this happening, that people, by definition, are selfish.

Now I truly believe that you should help your neighbor and love your neighbor as you do yourself because, honestly, it makes YOU the better person, and if they hate you for it then so be it because they are hating you for being a positive being and that’s OK with me. (I have massive issues with that one because there are some people who just rube you the wrong way lol)

But let’s get back to the 15 things listed above and break it down one by one into practicality and why you should give it up, or something like that.

  1. Doubting Yourself…. That’s a biggy there. Self Doubt is the most destructive of all of these because it leads to almost all of them happening. Doubting yourself leads to doubting whether you should or shouldn’t do something and you usually end up saying you shouldn’t even try to do it because you can’t. Come on… The first step is to TRY IT and remember ” Every Professional was once the Amateur Beginner”.
  2. Negative Thinking …..  This is a hard one. Thinking in and of its self is both positive and negative. We have to think in both terms if we are to come to the best conclusive outcome in any given situation. The point being made here howsoever is that we must stop the type of negative thinking that says “That will never work”, “That’s a horrible idea, why are you even considering that” and so and so forth. This is the type of Negative Thinking that stops you before you even begin and is truly the downfall of many people who have the brilliance to succeed.
  3. Fear of Failure …. Another biggy here. The Fear of Failure is ingrained in all of us do to being taught that we must “fit in”. A small child does not fear failure, they are taught to fear it. To a child the world is their play toy and every thing is possible, from the Monster under the bed to Santa Claus. Moms and Dads the world over are heroes at bed time because they CAN slay the monsters and if you truly believe you CAN fly. When they grow up they CAN be ANYTHING they want to be, so why do we teach them to be afraid of failing? Why do we, ourselves, have to be ok with failing? We don’t and we shouldn’t count ourselves out before even beginning but we can be ok with the failed attempt, should it even happen. Remember – You can never win, if at first you don’t try.
  4. Destructive Relationships ….. Now this is one that seems to be in the running for the WORST decisions made lately. How can any one ever hope to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship if we continually keep making the wrong choices? I know that I’m just as guilty as the next person because, let’s face it, if you already know it’s going to fail then you aren’t as hurt when it happens and you’ve already built up that defensive wall to safe-guard your heart right? WRONG!!!! You can build up that wall and you can consciously and sub-consciously make that choice, that horrible horrible choice, to date the same destructive types and be in the same destructive relationships over and over and over again but you can NEVER safe-guard that heart from becoming invested and in turn ruining yourself to the possibility of something good and someone who can truly be the best for you.  Trust me on this, I know.Now there is the flip side to this and that is STAYING in a Destructive Relationship, I.E. the abusive type. You can enter a wonderful, truly magnificent relationship and truly, whole-heartily be in love with this person that you have every intention of spending the rest of your life with. You have the cliché white picket fence and 2.5 kids and the whole she-bang but something happened along the way to this quiet little blissful dream becoming fulfilled and you and/or your children (should you have them) are now the recipients of mental, emotional, physical or other types of abuse and that my dears is a very DESTRUCTIVE Relationship. Should you decide to stay in such a type of relationship I do hope you take into consideration the damage that can and will be inflicted upon your young, innocent, impressionable children. They are, after all, YOUR responsibility, and if you do happen to want my advice, it is this: Get out while the gettin’ is good, and It’s never to late.
  5. Gossiping …. To my way of thinking, There is nothing worse than a “Gossip”. I absolutely abhor gossiping because it tends to do nothing but destroy people’s lives. Not just the person whom is being gossiped about but the person doing the gossiping. To many people have things said about them or done to them because of someone deciding they were bored and wanted to see just what would happen if this and this was said. OR, someone misunderstood what was being said (ever play that old game ‘telephone’?  How often did the end resemble the beginning?) and spread a vicious or ludicrous lie, which in turn ruined someone’s self-esteem and person. So basically… You shouldn’t gossip.
  6. Criticizing Yourself and Others …. Ok so we all know and have heard that our own worst critic is our-self?  Well that has to change, somewhat, because if you are always horrible to yourself your going to start believing it. Give yourself a hand now and then as well as an ‘Atta-Boy’ because while critiquing yourself is a good thing complimenting yourself is even better when it’s a job well done.As for criticizing others :  Ever heard of Murphy’s Law? I think that pretty much says it all
  7. Anger …. Some say there is Righteous Anger and that that is ok.. Others say there is nothing good about anger as it is self-destructive being that there was never a good outcome from a decision made in anger. I think that in some cases anger can fuel you to do incredible things that you would have never been able to do and those things might be good. Howsoever, the end result is pretty much always bad so cooling off before doing anything is always a good idea. Give yourself a “time out” before acting 😉 That’s my rule of thumb.
  8. Comfort Eating …. Never has a woman known better than the end result of this. Every woman, teenage girl and child knows what comfort eating is and the effects it has upon our psyche and our bodies. I’m sure there are men who do this as well because it’s not possible for only one side of the sexes to have the sole hold of this department and I do hope that they too are able to see and understand the destructiveness of this continued behavior. Therefore, I believe, I don’t need to say any more on the topic other than to please, find a better outlet. Pick up a notebook and pen/pencil set from the local dollar store and write it out, take a walk, go find a “quiet spot” all your own, take up some sort of hobby you can pour your soul into and let that be your healing.
  9. Laziness …. Every person who has ever been a child knows that this is bad. There is a time and a place for everything so make sure that being lazy isn’t your constant but your occasional.
  10. Negative Self Talk …. Again… the same as #1 … they kinda go hand in hand. You have to be positive with your self because sometimes all you have in your cheering section for you to succeed is YOURSELF.
  11. Procrastination …. umm….. umm…. Yea… I’m seriously bad with this and while I know it’s a bad thing I’ve done excellent with it myself in school work and whatnot so I’m not truly objectionable enough to tell you why it’s bad. I can tell you that if you procrastinate your life away and never take that step forward that opportunity will pass you by and you’ll be left behind so it IS important that you not procrastinate in everything but an occasional procrastination I am sure is ok.. maybe not lol Like I said.. I’m not the best example to follow on this one.
  12. Fear of Success …. There are people who have this fear and it is a legitimate fear and best dealt with by speaking to a trained professional. The first step though is realizing that you DO have this fear and WANTING to seek help with/for it.
  13. Anything Excessive …. Well I think that pretty much sums it up. Yes, women do tend to have a lot of shoes… when you have so many you require your own closet for just shoes that would be excessive… get rid of some of them. Yes, men tend to put a lot into the vehicle they love… when the vehicle gets more attention, money spent on it, love from you then your family, children, wife, gf, bf does… that would be excessive… do something about it. Everything in moderation, please.
  14. People Pleasing …. hmmm I am a people pleaser, I know this and I try to work on it. First step to doing so is realizing that in being a people pleaser your denying half of yourself it’s rightful joy in life by sacrificing yourself for the enjoyment and pleasure of other people. There are many examples I could give here but I think you can come up with a few. The joy of another should not harm you. The pleasure/enjoyment of a group should not cause you harm.And last but not least ….
  15. Putting Others Needs BEFORE Your OWN …. Didn’t I start out this little article with WHY this is a bad thing and WHEN it’s ok and whatnot?  But, I’ll re-iterate, You should NEVER put someone-else’s needs before your own when it causes heartache or injury to yourself or those you love. When it goes against your moral convictions You should not put their needs above your own. When You are constantly bending over backwards to give others what they want and denying yourself your own needs and wishes then you are people pleasing and putting others needs before your own and those are two things that you should not do as it denies your “Id” and that can lead to massive problems.

In short … We all know what is negative and  bad behavior and it’s time we took account of our own actions and put some positive back into our lives. This change is best made when we start with ourselves and how we view ourselves and treat ourselves. Be Positive and see just what a world of difference it makes within you, even if you only do it for a day.

I challenge everyone who reads this post/article/blog to try and stop doing these 15 negative things for 1 day… then 1 week .. see what a happier and healthier you it creates within you and travels to others.

Take care and Blessings,

Ya-Ya 😉

{Referencing the “Id” – According to Sigmund Freud, there are three parts to someones personality. The Id, the Ego and the Superego. The Id deals with our primitive drives. Its goals are the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. The Ego knows what things are real and that behaviors have consequences. The Superego represents our morals and sense of right and wrong.}

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